They should have a fundraising telethon for this...

I suffer from PMS. No, not the one you're thinking of-- though I do get that one, too. This is the lesser known PMS. Period aMnesia Syndrome. I always forget when my period's coming. You suffer from PMS, too, if you find yourself uttering any of these questions/statements:

• How did I get this monster zit?
• Why are my boobs so huge?
• And sore. Ouch.
• Hmm.. My back hurts. Maybe I did too much lifting yesterday.
• How did I gain five pounds? I need to back away from the cookies.
• I need cookies. I don't know why, but I will hurt you if you don't give me cookies. Now.

That's only the tip of the iceberg where PMS is concerned. You will find yourself scarfing a bag of chips while yelling at the kids and blame it all on that stupid, oh so touching commercial you just saw. Sniff, sniff.

When someone suggests your mood swings may be related to the other, more famous, PMS, the fog will clear, the lightbulb will go off, and the bell will sound. Well, shit, that explains it all. Now go wipe those chocolate smears and potato chip crumbs off your face, dear. It's not appealing.